So in the time span of a week and a half I
*Lost my job (my class schedule conflicted with the time I needed to be with the children)
*Lost my housing (because I
am was a live-in nanny…2 for 1 isn’t always a bargain)
*I have to leave the children I have learned to love as my own. This is by far the the worst of all the other issues going on and causing me some major heart break and pain.
*Had all of my classes dropped because of a financial aid error. Ugh.
*Had them reinstated TODAY. (thanks Mom!) 🙂
I literally have ONE dollar to my name. Not even joking. Its crumpled up in my pocket. I could try to be all cheery about this and say how adventurous and thrilled I feel about trying to survive but I would be lying with my entire soul. Don’t get too worried though, I have funds coming my way soon. Phew.
I’m usually a glass half full kinda’ gal but right now I’m hard pressed to even see the glass. Over dramatic? Probably, but just let me indulge in a much needed “Woe is me” moment. If I tried to be dishonest about my current status, I would only be doing myself a disservice. Sometimes, ya just gotta be completely honest about how you feel and what’s going on. Right now, life isn’t great. It is not fun. It might not change for a while. It might even get worse (oh how I cringe at the thought of it!) But that’s the hand that’s been dealt to me and I have to deal with it.
This whole idea of rejoicing through your pain is a nice sentiment but at the end of the day it is not neccessarily the best way to work through your suffering. Even Jesus, during his most painful moment questioned why He had to go through it. He revealed his humanness in that instant and relinquished the pressure that we have to just “chin up” or “grin and bare it”. It is okay and even healthy to go through times of unhappiness. This ofcourse, is different then always being depressed or overly critical. Balance is the answer. I like this picture and I see it has it saying that a glass-half empty can produce beauty and joy in the long run.
Life right now isn’t all doom and gloom though. There is some hope of course. There is always hope. Sometimes it’s harder to find. My hope is the support I am surrounded by. I recently, just found out that my housing is taken care of. A couple of dear family church friends have graciously offered a room to stay in for the rest of the semester. It takes care of one of main of concerns and I am so thankful and relieved. I still have to find a way to provide income for myself but I can and will survive until that happens. I am a believer that God provides, but usually in a way that we don’t expect or even care for. I’m not a fan though of buying something that I obviously can’t afford and answering with “Well, it’s okay cause I know “God Provides!” That is unfortunately, a widely accepted belief and a very distorted one. That is just an excuse for buying something you think you need. When God said he would provide, he didn’t mean it would be luxurious. I’m 100% positive of that He was talking more about providing the essentials, bread, water and some sort of shelter. Our American society has taken “God Provides” and warped it into this whole “victorious theology”. TV evangelists have been the catlyst for this movement. Joel Osteen and T.D. Jakes are just a couple of these pastors who uphold and influence our Christian community. The idea that if you lead a victorious life, and work really hard at being a child of God (which completely defeats the idea of being a Child of God) then you can drive luxury cars, live in luxurious homes and sport the next cute, leather bound, pink threaded, glittery Bible they sell at Lifeway. Needless to say, I am not a fan of this whole movement because it is a false reality of what God intended to provide which was His love period (.) All that other material crap..is just crap.
OK, enough of this preachy rant. I totally went off on a theme I had no intention of!
Peace be with you,