I have consciously neglected this blog. I have felt the strings pull and heard the blog whisper “come back” but I ignored them. On purpose. Not from a lack of having anything to say but because there has been too much to share.
I have been struggling with the mint. Honey has been running on low around here.
White knuckled, I have been squeezed the life out of the mint leaf. Knowingly, I’ve done it. I’ve longed for a sip of honey and there have been times where I have gotten a little taste. Grace. But goodness, mint can be a bitter little devil.
I can not share openly about why the bitter mint has taken over this past month due to confidentiality but I can share my hurt in general terms. I bet, you might be able to relate to them in some way.
Justice is something that has been very important to me since I was a little girl. I remember making a petition in third grade because I thought our homework assignments were unrelated to what we were learning in class and I felt they were just busy work. I got a lot of signatures-ha. The next year, a stray dog started coming to our school playground every day and again, I made a petition asking the school to help us find it a good home. This sense to do the right thing is a part of my DNA. If you know my parents and family, you know why. I’m thankful for them instilling that into my heart. As I grow up, and my naivety wears off, I realize more and more that the sense to bring justice and simply do the right thing is becoming more hard to come by.
This has been my struggle the past month. Over and over again, I watched injustice reign. It took over and swept innocent people away. Along with others, I have trudged upstream the river of injustice. I have walked hand in hand with those who believe in truth and deserve more respect and honesty than what they received. I have shed tears, almost daily, because I witnessed hurt over and over again. When I thought there was no way that injustice could live another day, I was proven wrong. My trust in goodness, in humanity and even God was tested in ways I could barely handle. Yesterday, on my way to work I fought back anger, fear and anxiety. I called out to God and asked if goodness was still alive anymore. I missed my exit and became even more enraged and late to work.
I pulled up to a stop light and watched honey drip. Directly across from me a man jumped out of the driver seat of his truck, ran to a man on the sidewalk and exchanged words. Puzzled, I watched and wondered what was going on. I watch the man on the sidewalk set down his coffee, run to his truck, throw his backpack in the back and then I watch a lady from the sidewalk pick up his coffee. Is she stealing his coffee? Is the man hitching a ride with the man in the truck? And then I watch another lady from the other side of the street run to his truck without any notice. They all start pushing his truck. It must have broken down.
It was if God said “Here, pull up a seat. Look, there is still goodness around.” Immediately, I burst into tears. I laughed a little too.
Strangers, with planned days and early commutes stop to help a person in need. They did the right thing. It wasn’t convenient, it probably wasn’t a lot of fun but they chose the harder right over the easier wrong. So simple yet it can be so challenging to us at times. It restored my faith a bit and gave me the little hope I needed to pursue a really difficult day ahead. A little bit of honey to soothe the pain.
I’m still holding onto the mint, sometimes even clenching it still, white knuckled. I am unsure when I will be able to let the bitter go. The unknown of this process is frustrating and tiring. However, I still have hope that goodness will win. I like what John Mayer has to say- “But I know the heart of life is good”. My morning times with God help me go forward with the day and I cling to the early morning whispers of the Spirit. I also cling to my community that pursues justice with me daily- the ones who get angry at injustice and have the courage to do something about it. I am so thankful for them. They are good for my soul.